I’ve wrestled with this issue my entire life (as far as I can remember): I can’t remember things from my past. I can’t remember how I met most of my friends, I can’t remember movies I know I’ve seen before, I can’t remember important milestones. I’ve gone on entire vacations and don’t remember any part of them.
I don’t know if it’s normal or not, but I definitely don’t feel like it is. (What is normal anyway? lol) I talk to friends who are able to tell me detailed accounts of nights we’ve spent having fun at the beach and they can’t believe I can’t recall any of it. I’ve had former roommates recount numerous tales of us living together, but I don’t remember any of them. I believe them, of course, because I’ve been like this my entire life. But sometimes it really upsets me that I can’t seem to remember my own life. I am grateful for all of you who put the pieces together for me when needed and don’t judge me for it. But if you’ve ever wondered why I take so many pictures of anything and everything now you know. I take pictures so I can look at them later because I know I likely won’t remember it. I have thousands and thousands of pictures documenting good times with friends, family, or just something I want to remember later.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely blank inside. I do have memories; they are just few and far between considering my life span and the amount of experiences I’ve actually had. I have snippets here and there of when I was younger and lived in Wisconsin with my mother…those aren’t that great. A previous therapist believes that may be when it all started – she thinks I may have learned long ago to block out things as a coping mechanism (for what, I have no idea) and that may be a possible explanation as to why I can’t remember as much as other people. But it also may just be that I don’t pay attention to details as much as others. It could be any number of things. But I do have memories of the rest of my life…with my dad, the my family, my friends, and the like. The more recent the activity the more likely I am to remember it. But sometimes the memory loss really comes in handy….I can see the same movie three times and it seem brand new to me every time. It’s almost like “50 First Dates” in my head some days. lol.
In all my years of therapy I have learned two things about my condition: it doesn’t affect my work and it only affects my life and no one else’s, as in I remember things and details about those close to me. Again, therapy suggests it’s because I care about those close to me so much and want to ensure I’m listening to them when they tell me things or when things are happening to them.
So, now you know that I’m not an airhead, I just have a crappy memory. lol. I try very hard to remember things, especially if you tell me something. But, if I do forget and have to ask again once or twice, please understand why and don’t be upset. Now, who wants to go see a movie? 😉
