Today is Throwback Thursday, right? Great! Let’s throw it back to less than an hour ago when I nearly hurled on 100 very nice people at the top of the Kress building in downtown Birmingham.

Tonight was one of my favorite nights in Birmingham – the Sidewalk Film Festival $10k Party where they sell 150 tickets and one lucky person walks away with $10,000 at the end of the night. It was also three years ago tonight that my husband and I first hung out for an extended period of time and the night of our first kiss. So this is a pretty special night in its own right even without the party.

Tonight, however, was more nerve wracking and more emotional than I had experienced in years, maybe in all my years. They start by calling out 10 of the 150 numbers for elimination. Then they take a break and the DJ plays some music and then another batch is called for elimination. My husband and I had 3 chances between us for the prize. His number was eliminated in the first few rounds. I still had my two. A few rounds of 10 numbers being called and we’re now on to batches of 25 numbers being called for elimination. I’m still in it with two numbers. Hubby is constantly redoing the math to figure out my odds.

There are ten numbers left. I have one of them.

There are now five numbers left. I have one of them.

There are now three numbers left. I have one of them. They ask the top three to come to the front of the stage so everyone can see their reactions. A very nice lady next to me introduces herself and shakes my hand. I reciprocate.

They call a number for elimination. There are now two left. I have one of them.

My head is swimming. The blood is rushing to my face. I’m closing my eyes and grasping my ticket, trying to be calm and mindful. People are shouting my name, someone asks me if I’m praying. I don’t pay attention…I CAN’T pay attention…my mind is a blur. I want to vomit. I think I’m going to…right in front of all the people. In front of the emcee. In front of my husband.

The last number is called for elimination. It’s mine. People come up and pat me on the back and ask me if I’m ok. No, not really, but thank you for asking. I mean, I’m fine. I didn’t come with that $10k and I’m not leaving with it. But wow, what a roller coaster.

I think about the cosmic meaning of what just happened the entire way home. I’m grateful I was close, but in all honesty, that kiss from my husband three years ago and my amazing life, friends and family far surpass any check I could have been given tonight. So while I didn’t win the raffle, I won the jackpot and I’m very happy with that.

But who are we kidding? I would have OWNED that check! 🙂