It’s “see you later.” I’m sorry for my absence lately, but we are moving this weekend and we have been (and continue to be) super busy in the weeks leading up to the move. I will be back to blogging, I promise, but it may not be for a few weeks. Thank you for understanding and I’ll be sure to invite you over when we have a party at the new place. 😉
My friend, Javacia, recently had her birthday party at SOL Dance Experience. I’ve written about SOL before and I enjoy it every time I go, but this time was even better than usual.
If you aren’t sure what SOL is, I’ll give a brief recap: it’s the most amazing dance party you’ve ever been to and you’re the best dancer there. SOL is a dance experience like none other where women gather in a room, turn the lights down low (off!), turn the music up high (loud!), and dance like no one is watching (because no one is!). There are small “fireflies” on the floor to help you stay in the same place in the room so you all don’t dance into each other. SOL is also one of the presenting sponsors of the next Birmingham Dance Walk on 3/20 so we’re total fangirls of this place!
Since it was a private birthday party, Javacia was able to ask for all her favorite songs. Laura, the creator of SOL, then took her list and created a great dance track for the evening from it. From Beyonce to Missy Elliott to Drake and lots more in between, fifteen of Javacia’s gals gathered around her, dancing, clapping, and singing to the music. When “In Da Club” came on, we all spontaneously (yet perfectly in sync) sang, “Go, shawty, it’s your birthday, we gonna party like it’s your birthday, we gonna sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday….” at the top of our lungs to her. It was PERFECT! On the last song of the night Laura presented Javacia with a glow-in-the-dark birthday crown and we circled around her and celebrated all the love and light and strength that she is.
I go to SOL as much as I can and each time it’s a new experience, full of women, bonding, yelling, and cardio. But this was different. We were all there for Javacia and the energy was palpable. I have never danced so hard at SOL (and I learned even more about Javacia’s awesome musical taste and met some of her other amazing friends). It was the perfect dance party and we all left exclaiming how much fun it was and trying to figure out whose birthday was next so we could do it again soon.
Now the best part: thanks to Laura and SOL Dance Experience I am giving one lucky reader the chance to win your own private dance club for a night! You and 15 of your closest friends will experience your own dance party with myself and Laura, picking out your perfect playlist before the event, celebrating anything you want to! Maybe you just finished a 5k, half marathon or marathon. Maybe you passed that extremely hard exam. Maybe you recently had a huge win at work. Maybe it’s your birthday! Whatever the reason, come celebrate with your own private dance party. You can enter below in the Rafflecopter box and a winner will be chosen on March 14th*. If you’ve never experienced SOL this is a great way to test drive it and share the experience with some of your favorite ladies. I promise you will be talking about how much fun it was once the lights come up.
*This prize is valued at $150. This prize is good for one 1-hour SOL session for yourself and 15 of your friends, led by Laura Gaines of SOL Dance Experience. The winner will coordinate with Laura on the date and location and then we’ll help you create an event invitation to share with your friends and DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY!
Many of my friends know that hubs and I are getting ready for a move. Close friends know that I am working to declutter before we move so we can have (and move) less stuff. My closest friends know that I tend to keep everything that means anything so I have 5 “memory boxes” filled with scraps and trinkets starting from the time I was probably 18. I also have boxes and boxes of pictures that I just move from one place to another. Real photos…like they used to print years ago in actual photo labs and not just Walgreens. I’m sort of trying the Konmari method and sort of just trying to take less stuff, so I’m going through the boxes and throwing away old pictures.
When I opened the first box, I had no idea 1998 would hit me in the face like a wall. Wow, 1998. I was 23, barely old enough to drink, married for three years at that time, living in Montgomery. Pictures from my grandfather’s funeral along with visits to Wisconsin, Michigan, and Canada filled the bed as I pulled batch after batch out of the box. Beach trips with my girls, a road trip to the Saturn Homecoming in Tennessee in 1999 in my Saturn with Tomma where we saw Train, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, and Hootie & the Blowfish in concert. An epic Fourth of July party with all of our friends in Montgomery. And dogs…lots of dog pictures. Dog pictures with my ex husband. Pictures of my ex husband.
A year ago – even a few months ago – these pictures would have unleashed a waterfall of tears…not unlike the Niagara Falls pictures I came across…with him in them. But I truly believe in the power of prayer, of God, of medicine, and therapy. My therapist knows my deepest, darkest secrets and doesn’t judge me for them. She helps me with them. A few months ago she had me do an exercise where I said goodbye to the ex husband, who I still held on to in my heart. I had a lot of guilt over our divorce (it was my doing) and blamed myself for it for many, many years after. Many years. Lots of blame, guilt, and regret. Things that depression is made of.
The exercise in my therapist’s office was the hardest one I’ve ever done and I cried harder than ever as I did it. But I did it. And the feeling after was like night and day. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted (and actually, it had). I was a changed person and my husband knew it that night (before I even told him what happened earlier that day). I also felt exhausted. I went home, feeling like I had been hit by a Mack truck, and promptly slept for 10 hours straight.
It’s hard to say goodbye to people or things that have been a part of your life for a lot of it. It’s even harder to say goodbye when you can’t let go. Thankfully, with therapy and prayer, I was finally able to cut my albatross and let it go. I will be the first to shout out loud that therapy, counseling, just TALKING to someone can be theraputic and help so much. It doesn’t need to ignored or shushed and should most definitely be talked about and recommendations shared. It’s not taboo – therapy is just like venting and gabbing to your best friend, but to an unbiased outside ear to get a new perspective. And therapists can provide useful tools to help you deal with life’s everyday challenges.
The ex has a good life now, I know this. I’m so happy for him, but even happier that I no longer feel like I’m to blame for everything. We both landed on our feet and we’re both now with who we should be with.
Years ago I never thought I would be able to look at his picture and not cry. But I did tonight. I stared at it for a long time, to see what would happen inside. To see if I would lose it and feel that old guilt well up. It didn’t. I looked at the picture, said a prayer for him, wished him well, and stuck it on the trash pile. That’s how I said goodbye.