Tag: fitness

That Time I Didn’t Break the Internet (aka Swimsuit Selfie)

I’ve started this post a few times, and each time I’ve deleted what I’ve written and started over. I can’t quite find the right words to express my thoughts, but I want to get this post out so here goes nothing. By the way, I’m currently listening to my ‘Brave’ playlist while doing this post. I need it.

I have a very good friend, Jennifer, who swims with me each week. She and I have a lot in common, but one of our biggest differences is body image perception. She is rocking it in that department while I still struggle with it nearly every minute of my life. I am getting better though, thanks to her and a ton of other inspiring women in my world who are pouring out body positive messages and experiences. Jennifer has posted numerous pictures of herself in bathing suits. Granted, she is much smaller than I am, but that still takes guts no matter what your size. She absolutely floors me when she does it and I had always hoped one day I would have the courage. Well, this week I threw caution to the wind and just did it.

The response was overwhelmingly positive! It received more ‘likes’ on Facebook and ‘loves’ on Instagram than any picture I’ve ever posted before (and I’ve posted A LOT). I wasn’t scared of negative backlash, though I knew it would be there. I wasn’t scared of the response at all – I posted it for me, not anyone else. I just wanted to see if I could do it. Posting that picture took more courage than I think I had ever mustered in my life and you know what? It turned out to be nothing! I didn’t break the internet (from people closing their mobile devices, apps, or computers) and it didn’t do anything other than build me up. I was completely floored and touched by the words of love, kindness, acceptance, and gratitude that I received – from both women AND men – thanking me for posting it and reminding them to love themselves more.

The point of this post was not to brag about what I did or all the words of love I received – it’s to tell you that your biggest fear or shame likely isn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. I haven’t worn shorts in over 10 years in public because of how I feel about my legs and not wanting to subject others to them. I haven’t worn a 2 piece bathing suit in probably 20 years. I barely wear a one piece and that’s usually once a year to go to a private pool. I don’t want people to see my body, I don’t want to be judged for my stretch marks, my cellulite, or my girth. I don’t want other people to have to look at that. You know what? The more I am around the true, very real, awe-inspiring Birmingham Girls Club and my friends, the more I realize I am just like everyone else. We all have our imperfections that we want to hide, but these women are not hiding them. They are just being themselves and loving who they are, flaws and all. These women, along with Jennifer and more, are really helping me let go of all my hang ups so I can just be me. There aren’t enough words to let them know how much they have helped me and how much I appreciate them, but I’ll continue trying. We’ll continue rocking our respective worlds with self-love, body positive messages, and acceptance. And to all those wonderful friends and strangers who commented on my post on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, thank you for your words. You have no idea how they touched me and truly helped change my life. And thanks to their support, I just bought my first 2 piece bathing suit in over 20 years along with 2 pairs of shorts. Take THAT!

I didn't break the internet!
I didn’t break the internet!

Bowl Me Over

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bowling_lanes
Flickr Creative Commons

I love bowling and have wanted to join a league for many years. I recently got that opportunity with my new job. Our league, Bottoms Up, is comprised of co-workers, spouses, and other friends and family. I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone in getting to know my co-workers and cross an item off my wish list.

Anyone who knows me knows that I go all in when I do something so I ordered my own ball and shoes, which was a great investment. I have always bowled with house balls and believe me when I say I suck at bowling. But I have fun and that’s the reason I go; they play the best dance music and the floor (and your shoes) are so slippery so I look like James Brown out there. I am no good at bowling and I’m fine with that. I don’t throw a gutter ball every time, but I rarely get strikes or spares.

Enter custom ball. I’m convinced it’s a magical ball. I had forewarned my colleagues that I am no good and planned on going to socialize and have fun. They assured me that was the reason for the league and that I was in good company. Our first meet was last Tuesday and each team in our league bowled three games, different teams pitted against each other. My scores were 114, 141, and 150 respectively. I don’t know yet what my handicap is or will be, but the fact that I broke 100 on the first game nearly sent me into a tizzy of happiness. It’s the ball. It rolls lie buttah down the lane; I love that ball.

The best (and worst) part of the experience was the pain in my arm the next day from the muscles I apparently so rarely use. Throwing that 11 pound ball over and over for a few hours really took its toll on my arm and I’m still sore 5 days later. I am going to start doing 1 handed push ups with my other arm to try and balance out my Popeye arm that’s starting to form. I also poured buckets of sweat while bowling because it was hot and I was getting cardio in. Don’t laugh, it’s true.

I’m excited to continue throughout the session and get to know my co-workers more. I’m still quite new at the company and have been exposed to the same people since I got there, for the most part. I am looking forward to getting to know some of the others, making new friends, getting better at aiming, putting power behind the ball, and possibly learning how to hook. I’m even more excited to sweat off some pounds and build up and tone some arm muscles. Fun, fun fitness!

Swimtastic!

Mermaids

My good friend Jennifer recently started swimming for fitness. She’s a huge inspiration for me with her workouts and goals and we often try to exercise together at least once a week. At my gym there are 2 pools that I hadn’t used until a few weeks ago. She inspired me to pull out the old bathing suit and jump in. She came with me the first time to share some exercises and breathing tips then proceeded to put us all to shame and swim some very long laps the entire long length of the pool. I, on the other hand, swam short laps from side to side. I know, I know…I’m such an overachiever.

The day after my first pool excursion I was so sore. I didn’t even do a lot, but I felt it everywhere and was glad for the pain. It meant I was using muscles I hadn’t used in quite some time during my other workouts. I know my legs and torso were sore from my baby laps from side to side, but my arms were sore from the pull ups. Where I work out, the Wellness Center at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Southside, is also a therapy facility. There are therapy bars and other equipment installed on the sides of the pool. So I did pull ups in the pool. MY FIRST UNASSISTED PULL UP! 😉 (cross fitters and others will get that joke) Jennifer and I each did 3 sets of reps on the pull up bars and then swam some more. It was a great workout and now I’m hooked.

We’re going to start going regularly, but even if she’s unable to go sometime, I am going. I like it THAT much. One of my biggest issues when exercising is breathing correctly. I think swimming more and practiciing correctly will really help with that.

If you ever want to join Jennifer and I for a swim, or just me, please reach out. I’d love to show you my slammin’ dog paddle or just show you around my gym (which I’m totally in love with and no one seems to know exists).

I’m ready for “Mermaids”:

Fear Doesn’t Take a Holiday

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I have thanatophobia. For those who don’t know it’s an insane, irrational fear of death. I know death is looming and the thought can paralyze me in an instant if I’m not careful. I’ve had hundreds of panic attacks thinking about life as I know it ending and trying to rationalize it in my head. It never works. My belief in God says it’s not supposed to, but I keep trying like an idiot.

I’ve learned to live with the fear, though I do try to talk to professionals about it if gets overwhelming. But it also means I have taken only one trip on an airplane in the last 10 years. I used to love flying, long before anxiety and fear kicked in and crippled me. I drive everywhere now – even across the country. And yes, I know that driving is more dangerous than flying, but apparently I’d rather die on the road than falling out of the sky. Thanatophobia also manifests itself into many other fears that control my days. I’m terribly skittish, nearly hitting the ground if I hear a loud bang or if someone just surprises me. I scream bloody murder, ask my husband. I once went to a shooting range and before I even got settled into a lane, I heard someone shoot and came flying out, crying. It scared me….nearly to death.

All that to say this, fear doesn’t take a holiday. Not today, on this day we celebrate the freedom afforded to us by our ancestors and those who have served and are serving to help keep us free and safe. I will hear fireworks tonight and, because I know the holiday, I will watch with child-like happiness at their beauty. I will not be afraid because I can see them and I know they are coming. But my fear is still there and it can hit at any time, even today.

I decided on January 1 of this year that I was going to work hard to take control back from fear. I was turning 40 this year and it was a perfect time to change my path. I want to travel. I want to naturally be calm and relaxed. I want to be my authentic self, not controlled by fear. To that end, I made a list to myself of a few things I was going to do this year to help me take my freedom back.

  1. “Walk This Way” The fear of heights is strong in this one and hubby challenged me last year to walk around Vulcan one time to prove to myself that I could. I tried one other time, a few years ago, and couldn’t let go of the stone wall inner core in order to move; I barely made it across the walkway from the elevator to the observation deck of Vulcan. I’m happy to report that we went by Vulcan earlier this year on a whim and I did it! It was glorious.
  2. “Big Jet Airliner” I surprised hubby when I told him earlier this year that I WAS getting on a plane to somewhere this year. Well, that somewhere happens to be Las Vegas for work in October. I’m excited because it will be my first trip to Vegas, but I’m already having panic attacks about it. “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”
  3. “Just Like a Tattoo” I have always wanted a tattoo. ALWAYS. My mother even took me to get one when I was much younger and I chickened out because the artist said it would hurt. A few months ago, again on a whim, hubby and I decided we would get tattoos. It hurt like crazy, but I wasn’t scared for some reason. And I love it! I am so happy I finally did it.
  4. “Bootylicious” I am ENTIRELY too bootylicious, as in I have way too much booty going on, along with too much of everything else. To help with that, I started working out, discovered an awesome new fitness class I am loving, and will be finally starting yoga in the next few weeks. I’m most excited about the yoga to help me calm down, control my energy and body with learning how to breathe properly, and get stronger inside and out. I am grateful for this new adventure with Melissa Scott Yoga.
  5. “Off With Her Head, er, Hair!” I’ve gone back and forth on this for years. My hair is nice, but boy, does it make me hot (ie. SWEAT). It drives me bonkers. I’ve always wanted super short hair and have veered away from it my entire adult life. I’ve cut it short, but not nearly as short as I want. I recently cut off 11 inches to donate, also hoping it would cool me off some. That’s a negative, Ghost Rider. Inspired by some very sassy, sexy lady friends who recently shaved it all off, I’ve decided to chop some more off. No, I’m not going GI Jane – I can’t because of my job, though I wish sometimes I could just for the sheer coolness of it (literal coolness, not figurative). But I will be sporting a cut somewhere between my super crazy woman crush Lindsay and this when I get done.

This all goes back to taking MY freedom back from fear. Forty seems like the perfect age to get it together, do what I’ve always wanted, and be my authentic self. This year is MY year…in so many ways. I am blessed beyond measure and thank God everyday for that. Will this be your year, too? What will you be doing to take back your freedom from distractions or things that hold you back? What are you already doing to be your authentic self?

My New Obsession In the Dark

SOL Dance Experience

Last night I had the best time in the dark. I went to a new fitness “class” called SOL Dance Experience. The web site describes SOL as “a LIGHTS OUT, free-form, hour-long Dance Experience for women of all fitness levels. Come find your light in the dark.”

I first heard about the experience from a fellow member of the Birmingham Girls Club. She left one of our meetings a little early one day to go try out this new dance class she’d heard about. I was immediately intrigued and asked for a recap. She told me later how much she loved it and it prompted me to check it out to possibly set up a private class for the Girls Club.

I wasn’t sure what to expect and was really quite nervous at that the thought of being in a completely dark room with total strangers for an hour. I don’t normally have high anxiety about those things or claustrophobia; it was more the unknown that freaked me out. Laura Gaines, the teacher and creator of SOL, greeted me with a huge smile and hug. She explained the “fireflies” on the floor – little bits of glow-in-the-dark tape placed throughout the room that help you know where your “space” is during the class. She also gave us instructions on how to get to the bathroom and exits, should we need it. You do have to sign a short waiver for the class, like most fitness regimens, so be sure to read it carefully. While there are no strobe lights or anything, it can get a bit unnerving adjusting to total darkness for the first few songs.

The ladies in the class welcomed me with open arms and prepared me for the fun time that was about to ensue. After Laura’s husband, Latham, finished putting up blackout curtains, we were asked to put cell phones on silent and away (completely, so they wouldn’t light up) and to cover Fitbits and other fitness watches with pieces of black tape she provided. Laura likes the time and space to be completely free from distractions so you can be your authentic self and move and feel however you like.

The lights went out and the music started. After slowly adjusting to the darkness and my “circle of power,” I finally let loose. I cannot begin to tell you how much fun I had! Every dance move you ever wanted to try was open to you. Every artist you ever wanted to imitate was available. Every song you ever wanted to try to sing you could. It was like the greatest karaoke bar and concert I never went to. You could sing to the upbeat, fun, dance songs and no one could hear you – the music was too loud. You could clap and yell and feed off each other’s energy even though you couldn’t see each other. Last night I busted out my Beyonce, Britney, Bruno, Tina, Elvis, Napoleon Dynamite, Carlton Banks, and even the Macarena (don’t tell anyone!). So many artists and movements popped out of me while I danced; I tried everything I had ever wanted to, but was too afraid for fear someone would see me and laugh.

Besides the amazing music selection, the other thing I loved about the class was that I could take a break any time I wanted and no one saw or judged. I get overheated pretty quickly and easily, so I took small breaks to catch my breath. I normally hate doing that in a class full of people because it’s so conspicuous. In this class, I could stop and let my feet or lungs rest any time I wanted and then get right back to it. Confession: I also got super sweaty and even took off my top for a few minutes to cool off. NO ONE KNEW!

The experience was completely out of my comfort zone and I almost left early on because of the darkness and anxiety that I felt not being able to see anything. But I took a few deep breaths, calmed my nerves, focused on my firefly, and the music took over. By the end of the evening, I had forgotten all about my fears earlier and couldn’t imagine not doing this as much as possible. I’m hooked!

Laura and her husband got the idea for SOL after living in New Zealand and going to a rave dancing with about 100 other people with glow sticks in the dark. She has always been a body movement advocate and loved the energy from the free form dancing. She brought the experience to Birmingham a few months ago and last night’s class was the 8th one she’s hosted. They are currently held every Tuesday evening from 7:30pm – 8:45 pm at Embody Practice Center on Montclair Road. The cost is $5 for first timers and $10 per class after that with discounts offered on multi-class packages. She’s planning on adding a Thursday evening class beginning in August. You can find out more information about SOL Experience and RSVP on their website at http://soldancex.com.

On the SOL Experience Facebook page, Laura recently wrote, “Tonight, after an amazing SOL Session, I realize part of the magic. At 7:30pm, women gather in the room. Some know each other, some are actual friends, most have never met. There’s chit chat, often nervous, unsure of what’s to come. Then, the lights go out, the music starts and each woman sets out on her own journey. In the darkness, liberated from any judgments, she is free to become whatever she wants. As the hour passes, the individual gets stronger. Confidence soars, endorphins rush. When the lights come back up, this group of individuals, now bonded by this unique experience, emerges as a tribe. Thank you, my tribe of SOL mates. I feel stronger for having danced with you.”

That describes it perfectly. I hope to NOT see you at SOL Dance Experience soon!