Aug
2012

When One Door Closes….

categories: forest perk, friends, love, moving

 

It’s taken me a long time to muster up the strength to write this post even though it comes from a happy place.  One of my best friends, Caleb, is moving back home this weekend. While we haven’t known each other that long, it feels like forever. I thought I would share my story of going home and how I met Caleb as I wish him well on his new adventures.

I moved back to Birmingham on November 26th, 2010. My brother and I left in the wee hours of the morning that Friday from Virginia, him driving the large U-Haul and me following behind in my car. We parted ways in Alabama about 1 a.m. in the pitch black on I-59; he split off to go home to Clanton (taking the truck with him) and I finished the last few miles into Birmingham, tears streaming down my face as I saw the city lights come into view. They were tears of joy; I was beyond happy to be “home.” I loved living in Virginia and missed the people there more than I could show them, but this was home. This was where my girls and most of my family were.

I hadn’t seen my new home yet in person. My Bham bestie – Lee – had worked with me over the miles to locate, tour, and eventually secure a beautiful townhouse for me in the south side of town. When I arrived to the address in the middle of the night, I was nervous, hopeful, and scared to death since I didn’t know this side of town that well. 🙂 Needless to say, she’d planned wonderfully for my impending arrival: paper plates, cups, utensils, napkins, munchies, hand soap and hand towels, night lights throughout the house, and – most importantly – toilet paper and a huge bottle of wine (and wine opener) chilling in the fridge. She had thought of everything I could possibly need in the middle of the night after a 14 hour drive. I know I’ve thanked her for her friendship and thoughtfulness since then, but she’ll never really know how much it meant. Or how much I will remember it as a lovely story to tell for years to come.

I got Millie, my dog, settled and went about inflating my air mattress in my new bedroom (as much as I could tell it was the ‘master’ in the middle of the night). I’m sure my new neighbors loved the air blower cranking up at 2 a.m. “Welcome to the ‘hood, Noisy!” I slept as peacefully and as much as I could in an unfamiliar place that I couldn’t see very well, while trains rumbled right outside my window. I rose bright and early Saturday morning to get re-acquainted with my city…in my PJs because I couldn’t find my clothes.  My first stop: COFFEE! I tootled down the street and lo and behold, a local coffee shop – Forest Perk Coffee. I was beside myself at my good fortune of having an independent coffee shop so close to home. I grabbed my once-familiar Black & White and (literally) bounded up to the counter to place my order. I was so excited about being home that the young man behind the counter (seriously) asked me if I was on crack. I politely explained that I was not a) on crack b) drunk or c) on medication – I was just very happy to finally be back in Birmingham. He thought I was a nut, made my mocha, and we parted ways. His name was Tim and I knew we’d be fast friends.

As the weeks went by, I would stop at Forest Perk more often and get my medium mocha. I found myself drawn to the quiet, studious barista – Jeremy – and the crazy, talkative one – Tim. The owner, Caleb, was very polite yet we never made it past the obligatory formalities even though I bounded up in there nearly every day. Finally, one day, I was inviting them to some local event and Caleb passed me his phone number on the way out the door. I was thrilled! I was IN! In what? No idea, but I was in! I texted him the moment I got to work and we started our friendship over cell phones that morning. It wasn’t long before we were thick as thieves and going everywhere together – we were both single, both dog lovers, both coffee lovers, and had a million more things in common.

Fast forward two years later to now: We both have very special Birmingham people in our lives, we both have more animals than when we first met, we both have different cars, and we’ve both been through more ups and downs the last few years than I care to recall. But, we’ve also been there for each other more times than I can recall. There’s never been a cross word between us, never a fight. Of course there have been times we’ve driven each other crazy and needed a little time apart/to ourselves, but it always reminded of us how important we are to each other. And how much we miss the other one when they’re not around.

Caleb, you’ve been my best friend and “husband” for the past few years. There aren’t enough words to describe what you mean to me and what a joy it’s been having you in my life – helping me, watching over me, looking after me, and supporting me with your love, words, and Toby’s saliva. 😉 I know you will be great wherever you go and whatever you do. As sad as I am today and these past few weeks, a bigger part of me is happy for you…happy that you’re doing what is best for you right now, happy that you’re the son your parents raised you to be, happy that you’re a wonderful father to the boys, and happy that you have been such an intricate part of my life these past few years. I know you’re only 1 phone call and 90 miles away at any time. That goes both ways – I am always here for you. You will never be forgotten, you will always be loved, and you will always be my best friend.

I love you.

Sherri


Aug
2012

Day of Women

categories: love, women

I had a wonderful, very girl-fueled day yesterday that filled me with such love, inspiration, and awesomeness. Whoa, I didn’t think ‘awesomeness’ was really a word, but just looked it up and yes, WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS! Look at me getting all wordy and creative in my blog. 😉

Yesterday was a great day at work divided by a delicious lunch at one of my favorite local spots – Nabeel’s Cafe & Market. They have the best Greek food this side of Greece. I was fortunate enough to enjoy it with some of my favorite lady friends: Cynthia, Amber, Jessica, Rachel, and her two gorgeous children. We got to know each other a little better, shared some female FAQs, and decided to take the rest of the day off to go shopping. That didn’t happen, but we had fun fantasizing for a few moments. I couldn’t have asked for a better bunch of ladies to dine with and you should check out their blogs, tweets, and words of wisdom. And if you need your butt looked at, be sure to give Rachel a call. Tell her I sent you. 😉

After work it was off to my first See Jane Write event. If you aren’t familiar with this group, you are doing yourself a disservice. It’s a wonderfully diverse group of very talented women in Birmingham who share stories, help, meals, and a serious love for writing..all started by the lovely Javacia Harris Bowser. You can check it out at seejanewritebham.com. Last night’s event was a ghostwriting/co-writing/freelancing seminar led by Nancy Dorman-Hickson. Ms. Dickson helped author the book about the real-life socialite behind the movie Charlie Wilson’s War. She gave us great tips on how to be a better author, market ourselves, as well as expertise on co-writing a book. The knowledge was endless, but my favorite thing was how down to earth she was. She spoke on a beginner’s level for those of us new to branching out and answered all of our questions with easy-to-understand guidelines. I’m thankful I was able to attend and take away a lot of action items that I am starting TODAY.

How is YOUR Wednesday going? That’s the real question here. A little while back, I attended a See Jane Write “meet and greet” of sorts. During our dinner, one Jane told us that she begins each day thinking about at least one thing she is thankful for and one thing she’s excited about. We all delved into that for a bit and it has really stuck with me. I need to put it into practice more, but tell me (in the Comments section) one thing you are thankful for and one thing you are excited about. I will be sending something special to a random winner drawn this weekend – just in time for VBS here in the South (Vacation Bible School a.k.a. Football Season).

I’m going to leave you with a wonderful thought that I borrowed from the Chopra Center: “I am loved, lovable and loving.”

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.


Aug
2012

Random Thoughts (oh, and meeting the First Lady!)

categories: Uncategorized

I will say I started this post about a month ago and kept it in Draft mode as I had to break away more than once. I’m now attempting to finish it. Look for a period at the end of it…that means I accomplished my goal. If there isn’t one there, feel free to finish the sentence in the Comments and the best one will win a prize. 🙂 Here goes nothing:

I should carry a recorder with me wherever I go. I know “there are apps for that,” but my ADD kicks in too fast for me to find my phone, unlock it, find the app, open it, and press the ‘record’ button. So, what should I do? A small digital recorder? Or one of those key chain recorders for even easier access? I am a bit amazed at the randomness of my thought sometimes, especially during times I should be focusing on the person or task at hand. I can’t help it – I see something out of the corner of my eye and immediately jump into a quick “to do” thought. Or I’m walking by the same window I’ve walked by a thousand times and wonder what was behind it 100 years ago. Usually though they are funny, random thoughts…bizarre even. I entertain the heck out of myself. 🙂

I have a million thoughts a day. I could be exaggerating. Or under guesstimating. Who knows? I’ve never actually counted a day’s worth of thoughts. Most of my thoughts are triggered by something – an event, a person, a project at work. And I dare say that most of my thoughts are inspiration from those same subjects. Let’s take yesterday. I saw our First Lady Michelle Obama speak here in Birmingham. I recall telling a friend, earlier that day, about my pending excitement of seeing the First Lady. The friend’s face registered disdain. And then followed it up with, “I hope you are inspired. I know that’s why you are going. I won’t ruin it for you.” Well, I was definitely inspired. It was everything I had hoped for and I’m so glad I went. It got me pumped about the upcoming election, but more importantly, about being a powerful woman.

Speaking of being powerful, I’m kicking booty at Iron Tribe. Granted, it’s kicking mine too, but in a good way. We just finished a 40 day Challenge to either lose weight or improve our performance. I chose the weight loss division. I didn’t lose as much as I had hoped (on the scale), but I did lose quite a bit of body fat according to the caliper so I’m happy. Six percent to be exact. WOO HOO!

I’m on a Jay Brannan kick these days. I love his voice, songwriting, and playing. I can’t believe I missed him when he came week before last to Workplay. I am not happy about that. I was on the fence and decided not to go because I was tired and needed to rest. Huge mistake. Thankfully I didn’t make the same mistake when I happened upon a chalk-written sign on the way home the other night – “Free Angie Aparo Show Tonight” – outside Tin Roof. Shut the front door! WHA?? THE Angie Aparo? I’ve been a fan for longer than I can remember…early 90’s, I think. I’ve seen him a few times, but it’s been years as he hasn’t been on the radar (or radio) in quite some time. I have no idea what he was doing in Birmingham on a random weekday, but I am so happy. It was a wonderful, intimate show (obviously not many people know him here or they didn’t know about the show) and it was exactly what I needed that day. Good for the soul. 🙂

I have tons more to write, but will save that for another day. I need to get this posted before it turns into a book. I also need to write a post about each fun thing I do in Birmingham. I would have a book in no time! I love this city.

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.


Jul
2012

Girl Power

categories: happy, Uncategorized

I’m feeling very empowered these days.

It began after my accident when I rented a Ford Mustang Convertible for a weekend. Wow, talk about powerful. I felt invincible in that car, though I was well aware I wasn’t. I had always wanted to drive a convertible and thought it would be the perfect time to treat myself after such a horrible experience. The car was amazing on the way to and from Atlanta, as well as in downtown traffic. I came back wanting one. It’s not a mid or quarter-life crisis; I’m just more aware each day how precious our time is here, how quickly it passes, and how we need to enjoy it to the fullest while we can. Sure, a convertible isn’t necessarily practical, logical or even a smart choice, but I’m young (relatively), not married, have no children and currently rent my townhouse. So why not do something crazy once? I wouldn’t have to keep it forever, it would likely be cheaper than my current car – I’m looking at used ones – and it would bring me joy. I love to look at the sky, I love to watch airplanes over my head, I love to daydream. Why not buy something fun I can do that in any time I want? Drive to a quiet spot, lean the seat back, and count the stars? Alabama is hot, but a convertible is doable here because we have so many “nice” days. I have been researching them online am leaning toward a 2011 V8. I’m open to color options although I know I don’t want black. So, that’s been my latest fun hubby taking up some extra time…car shopping. It never hurts to look, right?

I’m also feeling pretty empowered these days by my new fitness regimen – Iron Tribe Fitness. My boyfriend has been going since January and is a huge fan. So much so that he recently landed his dream job there and is now promoting and spreading the word about this local success story. As a lot of you know (if you’re on Facebook with me or follow me on Twitter), I’ve been regularly working out with Graham at G57 Fitness and Training and have been more than happy. However, as it sometimes happens, we’ve been pulled in different directions and I found that Iron Tribe is a better fit at the moment. The BF had been asking me to try it for a while, but knew I was happy with Graham. Recently, the opportunity presented itself and here we are. I’m in week 2 of their “intro” class which is called 101. It’s a month-long series that teaches you about Iron Tribe, the exercises and workouts they do, and their recommendations for living a healthier you. The first day was horrible and I did a lot worse than I thought I would. It upset me because I’d been doing a lot of the same exercises with Graham for the past few months and thought I would do well. The BF had told me before, “Nothing prepares you for Iron Tribe.” I “pshawed” him and went about my way. He was right. The first day I didn’t even finish the “baseline” workout. I did as much as I could and then promptly got sick. Score one for me! The next workout was much better and I’m now working on week two. For this particular intro series, we go to class three times a week: Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. We will graduate on August 3rd. Once that happens, we start the REAL workouts. Don’t get me wrong, this intro class has real workouts, but they are seriously modified versions of a regular workout (or ‘WOD’ as they call them). They “baby” them down for us until we graduate. Gee, thanks. 😉

In conjunction with the 101 class, I decided to participate in their Transformation Challenge. It’s a 40 day challenge with two divisions: weight loss or performance improvement. I entered the weight loss division (duh) and we’ll see how it goes. They recommend a diet comprised mostly of proteins, good fats (olive oil, avocado), and good carbs (veggies). I’m on day 2 and already missing sugar something fierce. But, it was a nice kick in the pants when they took my measurements and weight for the starting figures. I swear that scale hates me. I’m on a mission now!

I’ve always been interested in calming my inner being, relaxing, and meditation though I’ve never practiced. I think I would practice Buddhism if I ever took the time to sit down and explore it more. It just so happened that a new 21-Day Meditation Challenge was starting on the same day I began my physical Transformation Challenge (TC) at Iron Tribe. This meditation course is being offered online for free from the Chopra Center (Deepak Chopra). I thought it would go great with the TC seeing as how I will likely be angry, cranky, and catty from the lack of sugar, chocolate, and bread. We’re 2 days into it and I love it already. We get an email each day to go over the day’s meditation and then a link to an audio file that we listen to while meditating the thought of the day. The theme of the entire challenge is ‘love’ so I am doubly happy – we can all stand to love more, especially ourselves. 🙂 I’m pretty sure you can still sign up if you’d like, so click here for the page. I would love it if you take this journey with me and we can have a lovely dinner to compare thoughts at the end.

I got my car back from the accident and all is well there. I did have to pay for my part of it, but I know it will all wash out in the end and it could have been much worse. Now that I feel comfortable in it again, I’ve been a busy little bee around Birmingham. I love this city. The happiness and love I have for it oozes from my pores. I would shout it all the time, everywhere I go, if I thought I wouldn’t get locked up. I’ve joined a blogging/writing community of women online here in Birmingham, as well as a larger one for general bloggers in town. I’ve attended a few functions and am constantly inspired by the people I meet there, the stories they share, and the insight they provide to new bloggers like myself. I’m also in awe of our talented artists, all kinds. My dear friend, Billy Dupree, recently opened a new art gallery dedicated to showcasing local and emerging artists. How inspiring is that? Words can’t express how fortunate I feel to have met these writers, artists, thespians, entrepreneurs, and the like. We have such talented souls here in Birmingham and the diversity and number of local theatres and galleries we have to choose from any given weekend is impressive. There are events galore this summer; something amazing going on every weekend. I keep everything on my calendar and just looking back at all the events fills me with pride and happiness for this city I call home. If you are ever wondering what there is to do in Birmingham, please call or email me – I will fill your Inbox.

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.

~Namaste~


Jun
2012

Letter To My Abused Friend

categories: Uncategorized

**Disclaimer: I apologize in advance if this torques you off or you disagree with my thoughts and/or statements. But that is the beauty of free press and free thinking. This is how I feel and these are my thoughts. I welcome any and all comments below and respect your opinion.**

I don’t normally post about people. I try not to. But every once in a while I get really worked up about something or someone. Today is one of those days.

I have a girlfriend. We’ll call her Stacey*. She had been in a pretty verbally abusive marriage for a good while. She finally found the courage to leave last April and start divorce proceedings. The process took about six months and she has been away from him for about 14 months now. I can’t express how proud I am of her every day.

I know it takes time to heal from such a traumatic experience, especially when it’s all she’s known for years. She’s been beaten down to believe she is nothing, will never be anything and should be dead. I know that it obliterated her self-esteem and any positivity she once possessed. I understand this and respect it. However, at some point she needs to start believing in herself again and working on getting that meaning back.

She’s been working on it since she left. I know it can take years of therapy, friendships, and self-reflection to start making a dent in that massive mound. It took a long time for her to even begin to feel like she brings anything to this world and those around her. I’ve been watching her transformation from the sidelines for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, I jump in (with everyone else) and bring her up when I can. I try hard to be a cheerleader for friends I believe in and dearly love. I see her Facebook posts about not being anything, her life being over (because of her age), never finding that right person, never having a family, and never being any good. Excuse the language, but I’m calling BS. Again, I know it can and may take years, but do you have any idea how far you’ve already come? You got out! I’ve known you for years…back when you were with him – long before you ever started thinking you could leave – and you hated your marriage and him then. He wasn’t nice to you, yet you stayed and stuck it out. I secretly wished back then you would get out, but you didn’t have the courage or the nerves to do it at the time. But you found it. Do you know how huge that is? Do you know how many women never find that strength? So there is Major Accomplishment #1 right there. That in itself should swell you up with pride. You did it. And you survived, when I know you thought you wouldn’t.

When we talk and text, it’s the same conversation over and over: “I’m never going to have a family.” “I’m never going to find happiness.” “Who could love me? I’m damaged.” News alert: We’re all damaged in some way or another. I have been damaged for years and yet, I still find people who care for me and accept me – huge cracks and all. You have those people too – all of us, your friends – and you have a lot, my dear. Maybe you haven’t found that special guy to start a new life with (yet), but you are still young, contrary to what you think. You still have an entire life ahead of you waiting to be lived now.

When we were messaging earlier, she said it again and I have held my tongue long enough. I’ve held it for almost a year and now I’m taking the kid gloves off. This was our conversation:

“I’ll be 39 soon. No one is going to want to start family a with someone who is that old.”

Again, I’m calling BS. And I did today. I got angry (in a loving way) and went off a bit. This was the rest of our conversation:

ME: Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I’m going to kick your butt. I’m tired of you being mopey and down on yourself. Don’t focus on what could have been, focus on what can still be. Age is just a number. You know that. Stop being Debbie Downer!
ME: I say this with complete love, but I’ve listened to you beat yourself up and be depressed about this for a long time….you’re done. Be happy about what you have done with your life and where you are going…who cares where you’ve been!
ME: Your happiness does not depend on someone else…finding a person and having a child. Those things are awesome, but your happiness depends on you and you’ve already done the biggest thing ever. Be proud! You are amazing just as you are right now!

HER: I know. And I love and appreciate you.
HER: You are so sweet to me and an amazing person.

ME: Yes, I am. And so are you. Right now. Period.

HER: I know your life hasn’t been a bed of roses either.

ME: You’re right. And I try not to focus on that anymore. It’s over and done with. It took a while, but I did it. And so will you. Starting now, umkayyy? 🙂
ME: There are so many amazing memories and happy times to be had and enjoy in just everyday life.
ME: You have a job, a home, tons of people who love you and have brought you into their families. And a million more that would do anything for you. Be happy in that. You have it all.
ME: You just want more (we all do). Don’t worry so much about what you don’t have and love what you do have.
ME: The sunset every day is so beautiful here.

HER: You really like it here don’t you?

ME: Yes, I love it here. This place is amazing. Every day.

HER: I need your good attitude. Somehow I have to find it.

You’re getting there, sweet friend.

Yeah, I got a bit wordy, fired up, and let loose. Forgive me, please. There was more to the conversation, but I’m leaving it at that. And I’m not the only one who feels that way about her. I see her posts on Facebook putting herself down and, instantly, there are a ton of responses telling her a) how amazing she really is because – let’s face it – we all know it and b) to stop with the negativity all the time. She’s better than that. We’re working hard on helping her see that, but it’s true for all of us. This post is for all of you who found the wisdom to recognize a bad situation and the courage to leave or fix it. You all are my heroes. Please stop dwelling and living in the past and focus that energy on the present…not even the future. Just live in the now. The future will work itself out. It always does.

I received these two posts from Tiny Buddha while I was writing this (how appropriate…TB always seems to know what I need). I hope they help her and anyone who needs some answers:

We all choose how we act, react, affect and interact with people every day. We choose to be happy or sad. I’m sad a lot. I’ve realized that (and had help realizing that). I have no valid reason to be so sad. I have everything. More than everything.  I’ve been blessed beyond measure. How I don’t remember that every moment of every day is beyond me, but you better believe your bottom that I’m working on it. Sometimes it just takes a good yelling from a friend to help you see it. 😉

Signing off. Never been truer than today and for her:

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.

* Name has been changed to protect my wonderfully awesome, amazing, beautiful friend.

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