Category: Uncategorized

Taking Chances

Today’s writing prompt was to write something risky. I thought about it and can’t come up with anything majorly risky that people don’t already know about me. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. There are few things really private in my life and I usually keep them that way. But, overall, I think most of my friends – or anyone who reads my posts or Twitter updates – knows how I feel about things and who I am.

Javacia, founder of See Jane Write and our ringleader, wrote a post a few months ago about how she isn’t sure if she wants to ever be a parent or not. That was a very risky post, especially here in the Deep South where it seems to be the norm, but I’m right there with her. Yet, a lot of my friends already know that about me and I don’t consider it that much of a shocker (personally). I love kids and I love having fun, but the bottom line is that I enjoy my life and what I’m doing with it just like it is. I used to be of the mindset that I definitely didn’t want children. While I am maternal at times and a caretaker, I never felt the need or yearning to have my own offspring. I still don’t, necessarily, but am more open to the idea than I was in my 20s. I have always known that I don’t really want to be pregnant or go through childbirth. I’ve been told it’s a glorious experience and one that will change your life, but what if you don’t want your life changed? I simply don’t want to go through that – I don’t feel the need. The older I get, the more open I am to having a family, but I still don’t want to go through pregnancy if I have my druthers. I’d love to adopt. I’ve always thought that was the way I would go if I decide to start a family. There are so many children in the world in need of a good, loving, safe home and I could provide that. That being said, if I ever did get pregnant on accident or on purpose, I am sure I would be ecstatic and love the experience.

Still, I don’t find that a very risky confession on my part. I have a myriad of thoughts I could spill that you may or may not know about me – I supported and worked on the Obama campaign when I lived in Northern Virginia in 2008 and I’m doing it again here in Alabama, I am seriously OCD (some call it anal…including myself) and have ADD like no one’s business, I am scared to death of death and have great anxiety about it – so much so that I’m on medication for that and my OCD, I hate being fat and hate my body but a lot of women I know do. I’m trying to change that with Iron Tribe, but there are things they will never be able to fix like the varicose veins that run in my family and down my thighs, my rosacea, the adult acne that has cropped up in the past month or so that had me seriously considering being a shut-in for a while (I’m not kidding, I was that embarrassed to be around people), and my chronic skin issues that freak people out when they see them.

For having all those very valid (in my head) body issues, I had a wonderfully satisfying day on the body front. There was a meet up for women bloggers at the Shops at Grand River this morning. It was a wonderful meeting presented by the Shops and KC Projects to treat us women to a delicious champagne brunch, a mini style makeover presentation, a scavenger hunt through the shops, and a goody bag full of fun stuff. The food was from Olexa’s in Homewood, the decor was beautifully feminine, the stylist was Tracy James and she was fantastic. I am one of the least stylish people I know – I feel frumpy in my body and clothes most of the time. I know that anyone at any size can look good, but I never got those creative jeans (ha!) to make myself chic more than once a year. I work with a plethora of gorgeous, stylish girls who always impress me with their wardrobe combinations. I finally cornered one in the bathroom just last week and asked her if maybe she and another girl whose fashion sense I admire could give me a few tips one day after work. She gladly accepted, but we haven’t gotten around to it yet. That made today’s event that much more timely and special for me. I learned a wealth of new information regarding styles, clothing, trends and accessories. So much so that I immediately headed to the store to find a pair of neutral, but stylish, snake skin skinny jeans that Tracy mentioned. Me..in snake skin looking anything? No. Never. But I did. I went and they had 1 pair left in the Plus section and it was my size. Fate? Let’s see. I took them the to the dressing room and fell in love. I never would have even tried them had it been not for her gentle nudge to TRY them. And she was right! Go figure. 😉 I bought a great black cowl neck sleeveless sweater and a very hip cream faux leather jacket. I feel like a million bucks just from that one sassy girl outfit. Forget the fact that I discovered Maurice’s just a few shops down and fell in love again. Thanks to Jamie and Rachel, the eagle has landed. I will be asking for Maurice gift cards for every holiday from now on. I found the greatest little black blazer with military style embellishments on it, beautiful tops to go under it, a bunch of light cover ups and sweaters for the mild Alabama winter, and a plaid shirt to wear to Texas next week. PLAID! (I, again, have never worn plaid and never would have picked it if I weren’t going out on a limb today to try to get a little more together with my clothes). I can’t wait to wear the new outfits to work and feel a little better about my appearance in my frumpy body. I’ll get there, but this is a great start. I love my new wardrobe!

Off to wear something pretty to a play and a party. See you tomorrow. 🙂

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.

*author’s note: I wanted to get my post in today, but have to run so am going to add links a little later tonight. So if you want to find out more about the wonderful people and places I mentioned, check back later for links. 🙂

I’m Not Always ‘Up’

I know this is hard to believe (ha!), but I’m not always a ball of sunshine and happiness; I have my dark days. I’m not sure why, but sometimes we just need a good cry. I’m using a collective ‘we’ because I know I’m not the only person out there who feels this way. There are some days we just feel a bit ‘off’ or depressed. Any number of things can contribute to this feeling and exacerbate it and for me that’s usually female fun, little things at home or work, music, memories or a nice combination of all of the above. Let me tell you, Bon Iver and Joshua Radin aren’t helping right now. 🙂

I know I can be moody at times and the dips aren’t that frequent (thank God), but they’re no fun when they do arrive. Today is one of those days. I can’t get over this feeling of heaviness. I tend to keep it inside when it happens and I also tend to still be outwardly cheerful online and such, but it really takes a toll. I don’t know that I’ve ever written about it, but it’s not something I’m ashamed of or anything. It just happens. To the best of us. And I just can’t stop crying today. I’m not sobbing uncontrollably, but the tears are there…they’ve been there all day, just behind my eyelids…slowly trickling down my cheek when I blink while I diligently work through. I’ve had a wonderful week with friends, but there has been some added sadness with the deaths of a friend’s niece and, very surprisingly, a neighbor. It just sort of shocked all of us and I am still dealing with the emotions though we weren’t that close. It’s more the finality that he’s gone and I won’t see him anymore. I think it also brings me back (again) to thinking of parents, siblings, friends…and knowing that none of us will be around forever. I try not to overtly worry ahead of time, but the thought does cross my mind. I get particularly unraveled when I think about my dad.

I don’t typically get this personal on my blog and I’m not really going to go into details of what else may have contributed to this feeling today (it’s nothing bad…just little tiny stuff that builds up and irks me), but I will be ok. I just have all this great stuff I want to write about including this weekend’s fun (ETC show, Zombie Walk presented by Magic City Post, Warrior Dash (going to support and cheer on friends), Zombie Prom, art openings, dinner with friends), but I just don’t have the heart to fake it right now. I will be at all those events and having the time of my life so come say Hi. But right now I’m going to stay here and work on getting past the darkness. No worries, dear readers, I will be back to my normal, zany self soon with lots of positive reinforcement for you and you and YOU! Until then, remember you are loved and to:

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.

Random Thoughts (oh, and meeting the First Lady!)

I will say I started this post about a month ago and kept it in Draft mode as I had to break away more than once. I’m now attempting to finish it. Look for a period at the end of it…that means I accomplished my goal. If there isn’t one there, feel free to finish the sentence in the Comments and the best one will win a prize. 🙂 Here goes nothing:

I should carry a recorder with me wherever I go. I know “there are apps for that,” but my ADD kicks in too fast for me to find my phone, unlock it, find the app, open it, and press the ‘record’ button. So, what should I do? A small digital recorder? Or one of those key chain recorders for even easier access? I am a bit amazed at the randomness of my thought sometimes, especially during times I should be focusing on the person or task at hand. I can’t help it – I see something out of the corner of my eye and immediately jump into a quick “to do” thought. Or I’m walking by the same window I’ve walked by a thousand times and wonder what was behind it 100 years ago. Usually though they are funny, random thoughts…bizarre even. I entertain the heck out of myself. 🙂

I have a million thoughts a day. I could be exaggerating. Or under guesstimating. Who knows? I’ve never actually counted a day’s worth of thoughts. Most of my thoughts are triggered by something – an event, a person, a project at work. And I dare say that most of my thoughts are inspiration from those same subjects. Let’s take yesterday. I saw our First Lady Michelle Obama speak here in Birmingham. I recall telling a friend, earlier that day, about my pending excitement of seeing the First Lady. The friend’s face registered disdain. And then followed it up with, “I hope you are inspired. I know that’s why you are going. I won’t ruin it for you.” Well, I was definitely inspired. It was everything I had hoped for and I’m so glad I went. It got me pumped about the upcoming election, but more importantly, about being a powerful woman.

Speaking of being powerful, I’m kicking booty at Iron Tribe. Granted, it’s kicking mine too, but in a good way. We just finished a 40 day Challenge to either lose weight or improve our performance. I chose the weight loss division. I didn’t lose as much as I had hoped (on the scale), but I did lose quite a bit of body fat according to the caliper so I’m happy. Six percent to be exact. WOO HOO!

I’m on a Jay Brannan kick these days. I love his voice, songwriting, and playing. I can’t believe I missed him when he came week before last to Workplay. I am not happy about that. I was on the fence and decided not to go because I was tired and needed to rest. Huge mistake. Thankfully I didn’t make the same mistake when I happened upon a chalk-written sign on the way home the other night – “Free Angie Aparo Show Tonight” – outside Tin Roof. Shut the front door! WHA?? THE Angie Aparo? I’ve been a fan for longer than I can remember…early 90’s, I think. I’ve seen him a few times, but it’s been years as he hasn’t been on the radar (or radio) in quite some time. I have no idea what he was doing in Birmingham on a random weekday, but I am so happy. It was a wonderful, intimate show (obviously not many people know him here or they didn’t know about the show) and it was exactly what I needed that day. Good for the soul. 🙂

I have tons more to write, but will save that for another day. I need to get this posted before it turns into a book. I also need to write a post about each fun thing I do in Birmingham. I would have a book in no time! I love this city.

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.

Girl Power

I’m feeling very empowered these days.

It began after my accident when I rented a Ford Mustang Convertible for a weekend. Wow, talk about powerful. I felt invincible in that car, though I was well aware I wasn’t. I had always wanted to drive a convertible and thought it would be the perfect time to treat myself after such a horrible experience. The car was amazing on the way to and from Atlanta, as well as in downtown traffic. I came back wanting one. It’s not a mid or quarter-life crisis; I’m just more aware each day how precious our time is here, how quickly it passes, and how we need to enjoy it to the fullest while we can. Sure, a convertible isn’t necessarily practical, logical or even a smart choice, but I’m young (relatively), not married, have no children and currently rent my townhouse. So why not do something crazy once? I wouldn’t have to keep it forever, it would likely be cheaper than my current car – I’m looking at used ones – and it would bring me joy. I love to look at the sky, I love to watch airplanes over my head, I love to daydream. Why not buy something fun I can do that in any time I want? Drive to a quiet spot, lean the seat back, and count the stars? Alabama is hot, but a convertible is doable here because we have so many “nice” days. I have been researching them online am leaning toward a 2011 V8. I’m open to color options although I know I don’t want black. So, that’s been my latest fun hubby taking up some extra time…car shopping. It never hurts to look, right?

I’m also feeling pretty empowered these days by my new fitness regimen – Iron Tribe Fitness. My boyfriend has been going since January and is a huge fan. So much so that he recently landed his dream job there and is now promoting and spreading the word about this local success story. As a lot of you know (if you’re on Facebook with me or follow me on Twitter), I’ve been regularly working out with Graham at G57 Fitness and Training and have been more than happy. However, as it sometimes happens, we’ve been pulled in different directions and I found that Iron Tribe is a better fit at the moment. The BF had been asking me to try it for a while, but knew I was happy with Graham. Recently, the opportunity presented itself and here we are. I’m in week 2 of their “intro” class which is called 101. It’s a month-long series that teaches you about Iron Tribe, the exercises and workouts they do, and their recommendations for living a healthier you. The first day was horrible and I did a lot worse than I thought I would. It upset me because I’d been doing a lot of the same exercises with Graham for the past few months and thought I would do well. The BF had told me before, “Nothing prepares you for Iron Tribe.” I “pshawed” him and went about my way. He was right. The first day I didn’t even finish the “baseline” workout. I did as much as I could and then promptly got sick. Score one for me! The next workout was much better and I’m now working on week two. For this particular intro series, we go to class three times a week: Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. We will graduate on August 3rd. Once that happens, we start the REAL workouts. Don’t get me wrong, this intro class has real workouts, but they are seriously modified versions of a regular workout (or ‘WOD’ as they call them). They “baby” them down for us until we graduate. Gee, thanks. 😉

In conjunction with the 101 class, I decided to participate in their Transformation Challenge. It’s a 40 day challenge with two divisions: weight loss or performance improvement. I entered the weight loss division (duh) and we’ll see how it goes. They recommend a diet comprised mostly of proteins, good fats (olive oil, avocado), and good carbs (veggies). I’m on day 2 and already missing sugar something fierce. But, it was a nice kick in the pants when they took my measurements and weight for the starting figures. I swear that scale hates me. I’m on a mission now!

I’ve always been interested in calming my inner being, relaxing, and meditation though I’ve never practiced. I think I would practice Buddhism if I ever took the time to sit down and explore it more. It just so happened that a new 21-Day Meditation Challenge was starting on the same day I began my physical Transformation Challenge (TC) at Iron Tribe. This meditation course is being offered online for free from the Chopra Center (Deepak Chopra). I thought it would go great with the TC seeing as how I will likely be angry, cranky, and catty from the lack of sugar, chocolate, and bread. We’re 2 days into it and I love it already. We get an email each day to go over the day’s meditation and then a link to an audio file that we listen to while meditating the thought of the day. The theme of the entire challenge is ‘love’ so I am doubly happy – we can all stand to love more, especially ourselves. 🙂 I’m pretty sure you can still sign up if you’d like, so click here for the page. I would love it if you take this journey with me and we can have a lovely dinner to compare thoughts at the end.

I got my car back from the accident and all is well there. I did have to pay for my part of it, but I know it will all wash out in the end and it could have been much worse. Now that I feel comfortable in it again, I’ve been a busy little bee around Birmingham. I love this city. The happiness and love I have for it oozes from my pores. I would shout it all the time, everywhere I go, if I thought I wouldn’t get locked up. I’ve joined a blogging/writing community of women online here in Birmingham, as well as a larger one for general bloggers in town. I’ve attended a few functions and am constantly inspired by the people I meet there, the stories they share, and the insight they provide to new bloggers like myself. I’m also in awe of our talented artists, all kinds. My dear friend, Billy Dupree, recently opened a new art gallery dedicated to showcasing local and emerging artists. How inspiring is that? Words can’t express how fortunate I feel to have met these writers, artists, thespians, entrepreneurs, and the like. We have such talented souls here in Birmingham and the diversity and number of local theatres and galleries we have to choose from any given weekend is impressive. There are events galore this summer; something amazing going on every weekend. I keep everything on my calendar and just looking back at all the events fills me with pride and happiness for this city I call home. If you are ever wondering what there is to do in Birmingham, please call or email me – I will fill your Inbox.

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.

~Namaste~

Letter To My Abused Friend

**Disclaimer: I apologize in advance if this torques you off or you disagree with my thoughts and/or statements. But that is the beauty of free press and free thinking. This is how I feel and these are my thoughts. I welcome any and all comments below and respect your opinion.**

I don’t normally post about people. I try not to. But every once in a while I get really worked up about something or someone. Today is one of those days.

I have a girlfriend. We’ll call her Stacey*. She had been in a pretty verbally abusive marriage for a good while. She finally found the courage to leave last April and start divorce proceedings. The process took about six months and she has been away from him for about 14 months now. I can’t express how proud I am of her every day.

I know it takes time to heal from such a traumatic experience, especially when it’s all she’s known for years. She’s been beaten down to believe she is nothing, will never be anything and should be dead. I know that it obliterated her self-esteem and any positivity she once possessed. I understand this and respect it. However, at some point she needs to start believing in herself again and working on getting that meaning back.

She’s been working on it since she left. I know it can take years of therapy, friendships, and self-reflection to start making a dent in that massive mound. It took a long time for her to even begin to feel like she brings anything to this world and those around her. I’ve been watching her transformation from the sidelines for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, I jump in (with everyone else) and bring her up when I can. I try hard to be a cheerleader for friends I believe in and dearly love. I see her Facebook posts about not being anything, her life being over (because of her age), never finding that right person, never having a family, and never being any good. Excuse the language, but I’m calling BS. Again, I know it can and may take years, but do you have any idea how far you’ve already come? You got out! I’ve known you for years…back when you were with him – long before you ever started thinking you could leave – and you hated your marriage and him then. He wasn’t nice to you, yet you stayed and stuck it out. I secretly wished back then you would get out, but you didn’t have the courage or the nerves to do it at the time. But you found it. Do you know how huge that is? Do you know how many women never find that strength? So there is Major Accomplishment #1 right there. That in itself should swell you up with pride. You did it. And you survived, when I know you thought you wouldn’t.

When we talk and text, it’s the same conversation over and over: “I’m never going to have a family.” “I’m never going to find happiness.” “Who could love me? I’m damaged.” News alert: We’re all damaged in some way or another. I have been damaged for years and yet, I still find people who care for me and accept me – huge cracks and all. You have those people too – all of us, your friends – and you have a lot, my dear. Maybe you haven’t found that special guy to start a new life with (yet), but you are still young, contrary to what you think. You still have an entire life ahead of you waiting to be lived now.

When we were messaging earlier, she said it again and I have held my tongue long enough. I’ve held it for almost a year and now I’m taking the kid gloves off. This was our conversation:

“I’ll be 39 soon. No one is going to want to start family a with someone who is that old.”

Again, I’m calling BS. And I did today. I got angry (in a loving way) and went off a bit. This was the rest of our conversation:

ME: Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I’m going to kick your butt. I’m tired of you being mopey and down on yourself. Don’t focus on what could have been, focus on what can still be. Age is just a number. You know that. Stop being Debbie Downer!
ME: I say this with complete love, but I’ve listened to you beat yourself up and be depressed about this for a long time….you’re done. Be happy about what you have done with your life and where you are going…who cares where you’ve been!
ME: Your happiness does not depend on someone else…finding a person and having a child. Those things are awesome, but your happiness depends on you and you’ve already done the biggest thing ever. Be proud! You are amazing just as you are right now!

HER: I know. And I love and appreciate you.
HER: You are so sweet to me and an amazing person.

ME: Yes, I am. And so are you. Right now. Period.

HER: I know your life hasn’t been a bed of roses either.

ME: You’re right. And I try not to focus on that anymore. It’s over and done with. It took a while, but I did it. And so will you. Starting now, umkayyy? 🙂
ME: There are so many amazing memories and happy times to be had and enjoy in just everyday life.
ME: You have a job, a home, tons of people who love you and have brought you into their families. And a million more that would do anything for you. Be happy in that. You have it all.
ME: You just want more (we all do). Don’t worry so much about what you don’t have and love what you do have.
ME: The sunset every day is so beautiful here.

HER: You really like it here don’t you?

ME: Yes, I love it here. This place is amazing. Every day.

HER: I need your good attitude. Somehow I have to find it.

You’re getting there, sweet friend.

Yeah, I got a bit wordy, fired up, and let loose. Forgive me, please. There was more to the conversation, but I’m leaving it at that. And I’m not the only one who feels that way about her. I see her posts on Facebook putting herself down and, instantly, there are a ton of responses telling her a) how amazing she really is because – let’s face it – we all know it and b) to stop with the negativity all the time. She’s better than that. We’re working hard on helping her see that, but it’s true for all of us. This post is for all of you who found the wisdom to recognize a bad situation and the courage to leave or fix it. You all are my heroes. Please stop dwelling and living in the past and focus that energy on the present…not even the future. Just live in the now. The future will work itself out. It always does.

I received these two posts from Tiny Buddha while I was writing this (how appropriate…TB always seems to know what I need). I hope they help her and anyone who needs some answers:

We all choose how we act, react, affect and interact with people every day. We choose to be happy or sad. I’m sad a lot. I’ve realized that (and had help realizing that). I have no valid reason to be so sad. I have everything. More than everything.  I’ve been blessed beyond measure. How I don’t remember that every moment of every day is beyond me, but you better believe your bottom that I’m working on it. Sometimes it just takes a good yelling from a friend to help you see it. 😉

Signing off. Never been truer than today and for her:

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.

* Name has been changed to protect my wonderfully awesome, amazing, beautiful friend.