Are you seeing a theme here? Me too.

I have so much to do. I had the yard sale this past weekend. It was decent. By some freak of nature, there was like NO ONE on Saturday and lots of people on Friday. Go figure. Anyway, I had tons of stuff left over and took it to the Salvation Army. It’s very surreal to see your memeories/life being donated and driving away from it.

I am nothing but a tower of emotions these days. I’m not good with change. I don’t adapt easily. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, I’ll tell ya that. Just the thought of saying goodbye to anyone is killing me. Like even the guy at the grocery store. Every time I do something these days I’m constantly wondering if that’s the last time I’m going to do that here. How dramatic!

I still have to find a mover, finish packing, take pictures and sell some things on Craig’s List and GET AN ADDRESS! I’m hoping we have a place pinned down this week.

I’m selling a kitchen table & 2 chairs (sort of a kitchen table), this computer desk, a loveseat, a ficus tree and some other things. If anyone is interested or knows someone who is send them my way. PLEASE! lol. I should have pictures soon.

I bought ABBA’s Greatest Hits last night. I’ve seen Mamma Mia twice and am in love with it. I really can’t say why I didn’t have any ABBA prior to this. I have liked them for years. I also got the soundtrack to The Last Kiss (w/ Zach Braff). After my friend Lee turned me onto the soundtrack for Garden State (also handpicked by Zach), I knew I had to get this one too without even hearing anything on it. I was right – another winner. You go, Zach! (cuz he reads my blog, ya know)

I stared at the bathroom wall for an hour last night. I just thought you might like to know that. I find myself constantly drifting these days…staring, thinking, hoping, wondering, dreading, rationalizing. All of my friends have been super supportive and positive – thank you. I’m printing all of those little encouraging notes out to take with me when I’m missing everyone and wondering “What did I do?” as we all tend to do after life-changing decisions. I’m so contemplative these days…almost every minute of every day now. I’m quiet, thinking, retreating into myself – almost brooding. That can’t be good, but I’m sure it’s normal for a change like this. And I’m sure some of you are thinking, “What is the big deal? So you’re moving. People do it everyday.” And you’re right..people do it every day – just not this person. I know a lot of you know what I mean – Alabamians tend to stay in Alabama a lot of the time. And there’s nothing wrong with that..nothing at all. Just a huge change for me. But that’s what builds character and memories.

Here’s to character and memories. If you’re in Montgomery on the 19th, come say goodbye and make some memories with me. And please pray for me (those of you who pray). I am needing some major juju as I go through some tough stuff on top of the move. Thank you in advance.

Dear Reader,

How are you? I hope this letter finds you well. Things here are very busy, craziness inside and outside of my head. Thoughts rushing by me like gales, moment upon moment creating memories that I will take with me.

If I have not yet told you – I am moving. To Washington, D.C. In a month. JUSTLIKETHAT it all changes. For the better. I hope. There are days that I feel I can take on the world and I relish the thought of being in a brand new city, a new world to me. Then there are those days that I fold into a ball on my bed, crying and wonder how I’m going to say goodbye to the people that I love. It’s not like it’s forever and it’s not like it’s another country, but it’s still a very strange feeling for me and I’m having a hard time with it. Because this is my comfort zone. Alabama is my security blanket. I never knew it until I decided to leave. It’s high past time I tried on a new jacket, but the old one fits so well, ya know?

Bear with me. I’m going to have good days…and bad ones. Days that I’ll gush about the exciting opportunities that await me in D.C., of all the cities that are just a few hours away – none of which I’ve been to. And days that I break down and pray for the strength to do this. Because I’m a chicken.

And I hate goodbyes.

Do you remember that game/exercise called Free Association? One person would say something and the other person would say the first thing that popped into their head after hearing it? The mind amazes me. I think about “thought association” all the time, how random thoughts make their way into our everyday lives, the path they traveled to get there.

I have lots of random moments, but if I carefully trace the steps backwards I can always figure out how I got there and it never ceases to amaze me how our minds work. I love to tell people about it too (for some unknown reason). If I ask a friend a sort of random question then I explain to them why I asked it – how my thought process got RIGHT THERE at that moment in time. It’s really whacky if you start thinking about it the next time some strange idea/thought pops into your head. You can go from koala bears to Diet Pepsi in a millisecond.

A few random notes for my loyal readers (all 2 of you – thank you!):

I dreamt last night, among other things, that I owned a pet bat. I don’t know if it was because of the weather or being hyper all night, but they were strange. I vaguely remember bits and pieces of them– living in my old house with my dad, but my mother was there too (which never actually happened in real life), and I got in trouble for some reason and was grounded, but had friends over anyway, raiding the fridge and stuff after the parents went to sleep. But back to the bat – somewhere in this dream I owned this cute, tiny little grayish/brownish/blackish bat. I don’t know if he had a name. Actually, I don’t know if it was a “he.” But “he” was there – up in the rafters of the ceiling (huh??), on the table, on my bed – sleeping. If I held my finger out, he would come fly down and get on it. And he tinkled on my hand once when he got scared. (oh boy, I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I did just remember that). So, every time people were around him from then on I would ask them not to move too suddenly and startle him because he would pee on my finger. Ok, enough of that. But I had a bat.

I was also listening to music this morning on the drive in. I usually love how music can transport you back to a certain stage/memory in your life that it’s associated with. But for the first time, I think I realized that it can also bring you down or evoke certain feelings that you’d rather not be reliving. I was listening to an artist this morning that just brought back memories of turmoil, confusion, anxiety and angst. I love the music and love the artist, but listened to it over and over when I was terribly confused about some stuff a few years ago. Now when I hear it, those old feelings come back a little. I really need to associate a positive experience with it to change that feeling. I really like the music! Lol.

I guess that’s about it for now. There is some major stuff going on in my life (all good), but I will save that news for a little later – when I get all my ducks in a row. Until then, wish me luck getting ready for a yard sale (hopefully). I’m going to talk to my landlord tomorrow about it. It’ll probably be May 4th and 5th (same weekend as the Crawfish Boil and Elton John here in B’ham) so any of you Montgomery peeps that might be coming up or wanting to stop by, please do! I can always use some more hands. j/k

I will leave you with a great, new song that I have fallen in love with – it’s a great pick me up. It’s Rocco Deluca’s “Colourful” and you can hear it play while surfing his site at: http://www.roccodeluca.co.uk/

I uploaded a few videos to YouTube and am pondering the impending birthday.

First things first, if you’d like to check out the videos of my crazy sister and my gorgeous nieces and nephew, check out these 3 links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9t_5DMiQJg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E34AzKRSydo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhuGGWsICxM (this one is my favorite, but it won’t finish processing on YouTube. I’m hoping it will be done by the time I get up tomorrow)

Secondly, I’ll turn 32 in a few hours. I have no problem telling people my age. Other than some weight issues, I think I look alright for 32. Not great, but my age. Things could be worse. I am optimistic about life..about the next year. I had been dreading it for a few weeks now. Thirty was fine, even thirty-one didn’t bother me, but 32 just *looks* fat…like “welcome to adulthood – in case you were on the fence.” There’s no going back and there’s no claiming I’m still a youngster. Yes, at 31, I was still claiming wetness behind the ears. I figure I still have a few footholds into that naivety – not being a mother yet, not having significantly moved in my life that I can remember, etc. But, I’m just waiting to see what the next year brings. It could bring one of those things or all of those things – who knows. I’m open. Open to life, love and the pursuit of my happiness. And others’ as well. Viva la birthday!

On that high spirited note, I would like to share something that a friend turned me on to. One of the best videos I have ever seen. You know I soooo want to go out and try this now. How come I can never think of something totally original like this? I’ve got to start using the right side of my brain more. Enjoy and tell me what you think!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

One more thing: I’m listening to Lily Allen’s CD. I am in LOVE with this girl. She’s like a shiny, happy, funny, blatently honest pixie. I love her voice, her accent, her lyrics (she’s a nut) and the music. I could bop to this all day. It’s a great pick-me-up. You can listen to a lot of her songs on her web site at http://www.lilyallenmusic.com/. She’s also my new song on MySpace. Check out her songs ‘Knock ‘Em Out,’ ‘LDN’ and ‘Alfie.’ Give me your thoughts!

So much has happened since I last wrote. I wouldn’t even know where to begin (yes, I know it’s my fault for going so long without updating), but I’ll give it a shot.

Christmas was very nice. I went to Montgomery to have lunch with dad. Ash and I also had a very nice Christmas together. All in all, wonderful. The next weekend, she and I headed to Wisconsin to visit mom, Tiff, and the kids. I’m going to summarize and say that the trip went ok. The best part was having visiting Tiffany and the kids. They are, without question, the lights of my life. Tiff’s not bad either. I wouldn’t have had nearly as wonderful a time without Ashley, so thank you for going. I’ll post a few pics soon from the trip.

The weeks following WI were spent getting ready for Ashley’s move to D.C. She left Friday. It’s been 4 days and I’m feeling it already. Fun fun!

Other than that, my world is good. I have wonderful friends, family and a dog that I adore more than a lot of people. I know I have been MIA for a bit while Ashley was getting ready to go, but I’m back and better than ever! Lol. Thanks for being patient and so good to me during this transition. Now call or e-mail me. Fill me in on you!