Kickboxing 101

Don’t do it.

There you go – that’s all you need to know.

I’m kidding! (sorta)

Recently I went my first kickboxing class thanks to a Groupon I couldn’t pass up. “What a great way to try something new!” I said. “What a cheap way to try something I’ve always wanted to do,” I said. Clearly, I was out of my mind.

My friend, Amanda, also purchased the Groupon because surely we wouldn’t both die together on the same day at the same time, right? Surely not! We shared nervous texts the entire week leading up to our first class. The day of we both arrived pretty early to check it out and quickly slip out if we wanted. My nervousness level was much higher than hers (shocker!) and she talked me into staying even though there were people all over the floor passed out and the windows were, conveniently, all fogged up from either the heat coming off the people or chloroform. I’m not sure which.

The lady showed us around to the lackluster locker room, but it wasn’t a deal breaker; I was here to kick some booty, not worry about how pretty the decor was. We got changed and took our place on the mat. We looked like broken seals trying to get our free boxing gloves on ourselves and eventually helped each other so we could take some pictures proving we really went.

“Alright, let’s warm up!” the instructor yelled. Ok, let’s do this. Whatcha got? TWENTY MINUTES OF BURPEES, PLANKS, SQUATS, RUNNING, AND OTHER HORRENDOUS THINGS LATER, it was time to “start.” Are you kidding me? This out-of-shape girl was already on the floor, panting, pouring sweat, and trying not to hurl. The sweet 60-year-old lady behind me assured me that was the “hardest part.” Ok, that’s fine. I’ll take it. Too bad I could no longer lift my arms or my legs to do the fun part. I kid you not. The instructor came by to teach Amanda and I how to jab, hook, and round house, but I was so gassed from the warm up that I just bopped, tapped, and shuffled before falling to the floor in a heaping mess. Wait! I can do this! Back up I go….a bop here, a tap there. Again, on the floor. Eventually, I had to leave the mat and let Amanda spar with the instructor. I was too busy heaving up my lunch in the bathroom.

I’m sure it was because I got overheated or something, but it was horrid. HORRID. Amanda did a fantastic job though, and I am proud of her! I WILL be going back (I paid good money for that!), but will be sure to tell them that I know my limits and if I need to sit one out, I’m going to. I will say that the instructors that night were very kind whenever I did have to stop or sit down and catch my breath. While they do want you to try your hardest and they do like to push, they did not keep after me and checked on me regularly to see if I needed anything. When the girl who showed us around in the beginning said to make sure we made it to the bathroom if we got sick, and not to do it on the mat, I took it with a grain of salt. I mean, we were kickboxing for Pete’s sake. Never again will I be so blase about vomit advice.

Have you ever been kickboxing? What did you think of it?