I’m Not Always ‘Up’

I know this is hard to believe (ha!), but I’m not always a ball of sunshine and happiness; I have my dark days. I’m not sure why, but sometimes we just need a good cry. I’m using a collective ‘we’ because I know I’m not the only person out there who feels this way. There are some days we just feel a bit ‘off’ or depressed. Any number of things can contribute to this feeling and exacerbate it and for me that’s usually female fun, little things at home or work, music, memories or a nice combination of all of the above. Let me tell you, Bon Iver and Joshua Radin aren’t helping right now. 🙂

I know I can be moody at times and the dips aren’t that frequent (thank God), but they’re no fun when they do arrive. Today is one of those days. I can’t get over this feeling of heaviness. I tend to keep it inside when it happens and I also tend to still be outwardly cheerful online and such, but it really takes a toll. I don’t know that I’ve ever written about it, but it’s not something I’m ashamed of or anything. It just happens. To the best of us. And I just can’t stop crying today. I’m not sobbing uncontrollably, but the tears are there…they’ve been there all day, just behind my eyelids…slowly trickling down my cheek when I blink while I diligently work through. I’ve had a wonderful week with friends, but there has been some added sadness with the deaths of a friend’s niece and, very surprisingly, a neighbor. It just sort of shocked all of us and I am still dealing with the emotions though we weren’t that close. It’s more the finality that he’s gone and I won’t see him anymore. I think it also brings me back (again) to thinking of parents, siblings, friends…and knowing that none of us will be around forever. I try not to overtly worry ahead of time, but the thought does cross my mind. I get particularly unraveled when I think about my dad.

I don’t typically get this personal on my blog and I’m not really going to go into details of what else may have contributed to this feeling today (it’s nothing bad…just little tiny stuff that builds up and irks me), but I will be ok. I just have all this great stuff I want to write about including this weekend’s fun (ETC show, Zombie Walk presented by Magic City Post, Warrior Dash (going to support and cheer on friends), Zombie Prom, art openings, dinner with friends), but I just don’t have the heart to fake it right now. I will be at all those events and having the time of my life so come say Hi. But right now I’m going to stay here and work on getting past the darkness. No worries, dear readers, I will be back to my normal, zany self soon with lots of positive reinforcement for you and you and YOU! Until then, remember you are loved and to:

Love yourself.
Find peace inside.
Share happiness.